James Franklin has a few open positions, too, but you won't take 'em if you know what's good for you. All the juiciest developments from another weird week in the SEC.
ELECTED. LSU head coach Les Miles, to the newly created position of King of Louisiana, in a special election held Tuesday. Such titles are not customarily decided by public referendum, and are most likely unconstitutional to boot, but organizers of the Yes on Les campaign said such considerations were irrelevant in the wake of the Tigers' overtime victory over the Alabama Crimson Tide on Saturday, LSU's fourth win over a ranked team away from home this season, which retained the team's firm grip on the nation's No. 1 ranking. Voters also passed a companion measure, Proposition 38, which created a Cabinet-level Office of Special Teams and Sexing Down Females; Miles is expected to nominate punter Brad Wing to the head of this agency sometime today.
CITED. South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier, for filing a false report, by Fayetteville, Ark., police on Sunday. Spurrier called police late Saturday night to report that his team's SEC East title had been stolen from the team bus and described seeing "a bunch of guys dressed in red and black" snooping around the bus before the game. Only Sunday morning, after a series of exhaustive searches by police officers, did a sheepish Spurrier remember that he'd actually given the title to the Georgia Bulldogs at some point during the evening. The coach was sentenced to 20 hours of community service and a $5,000 fine; as of this morning, Georgia had not responded to Spurrier's call for the title to be returned.
ANNOUNCED. Candidacy for a new coaching position, by lame-duck Ole Miss head coach Houston Nutt, on Wednesday. Nutt was officially dismissed from his position with the Rebels on Monday afternoon, but said he learned of an opening during the Sunday night NFL game and has formally thrown his hat into the ring. "That Ravens player, Terrell Suggs, had wonderful things to say about his alma mater, but I looked and looked and I couldn't find the name of their head coach," Nutt told reporters. "So with any luck, you're looking at the next head coach of Ball So Hard University." Nutt's agent, Jimmy Sexton, did not respond to inquiries about his negotiations with the school.
ACCEPTED. An invitation to the AutoZone Liberty Bowl, by the Mississippi State Bulldogs, on Wednesday. The Bulldogs' move is unusual in that they accepted the bowl bid before any such bid had been offered, but head coach Dan Mullen said it was for the convenience of everyone involved. "Look, we know we're probably not beating Arkansas or Alabama this year, we're going 6-6, so let's just get these formalities out of the way now," Mullen said. "Yes, we are proud to continue the SEC's tradition of representation in the Liberty Bowl, we look forward to playing Houston or whoever, it's an honor blah blah happy New Year." The University of Houston Athletic Department quickly issued a statement saying that they had had no contact with Liberty Bowl representatives and had made no decision on accepting a bid should one be offered. "We makin' that BCS paper, son," said a source who asked not to be named.
AWARDED. A certificate of participation, to the Kentucky Wildcats football team, by SEC Commissioner Mike Slive for the Wildcats' 30-13 victory over Ole Miss on Saturday. It was Kentucky's first SEC victory of the 2011 season, and likely Ole Miss' last reasonable chance at a conference win. "In your every action on Saturday, you proved that you have many players and can put them on the field," Slive said in his proclamation. "Your players threw the ball, and also passed it, and in some instances prevented another group of players from doing so. In a situation where other teams might have given up, you did the bare minimum necessary to be considered a competent football squad. The existence of your achievements, such as they are, is hereby recognized." The certificate does not come with any cash award or bowl invitation.
ANNOUNCED. An open casting call for football players, by Tennessee head coach Derek Dooley, on Tuesday. The Volunteer program is seeking aspiring players of all backgrounds and skill sets after Dooley successfully pulled a walk-on kicker from a frat house prior to Saturday's game against Middle Tennessee State. "Derrick Brodus hit three extra points and a field goal for us," Dooley reasoned. "If there's anyone else on this campus who wants to play for the Vols -- particularly if you can throw, play linebacker or run-block -- we may have a place for you." Membership in Tennessee's Greek system is not required, and Dooley said he wouldn't rule out coeds.
PUBLISHED. An enemies list, by Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin, in conjunction with Vanderbilt Press. The list includes a vast range of people who have wronged Franklin in some way, including Georgia defensive coordinator Todd Grantham and defensive back Shawn Williams; Arkansas wide receiver Marquel Wade; the officiating crew from last Saturday's Vanderbilt-Florida game; SEC commissioner Mike Slive; Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison; the cast of Fox's "Glee"; former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson; and Missouri quarterback James Franklin, among others. "That kid from Mizzou knows what he did," Franklin said to reporters at a release party at a Nashville-area Books-A-Million. "Cant go taking a man's name like that. I'm gonna remember that once we start playing them every year."