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Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey.
Harvey Updyke, the man accused of poisoning Auburn's Toomer's Corner oak trees, just can't stop calling Paul Finebaum. You wish somebody would just cut him off, but talk radio isn't in the business of preventing pileups. His latest appearance featured a vague apology sort of for you-know-what but sort of not, a development about which attorney Glennon Threatt is not exactly delighted:
Threatt did say Updyke's on-air statement about his attorneys not wanting him to call into Finebaum's show anymore was "accurate."
"Certainly, if it's not going to help him," Threatt said of Updyke ignoring his advice to stay off the show. "If he hadn't called into Finebaum he never would have been arrested."
Back in May, Updyke pleaded not guilty due to mental disease. His trial was set for this summer but has yet to be rescheduled.
Oh right, this story. Accused Toomer's Corner tree poisoner Harvey Updyke called Alabama Minister of Sport Paul Finebaum to apologize for nothing in particular. Updyke noted his attorneys would not approve, and when asked for what specifically he was apologizing, he declined to say.
I'm extremely sorry for what I have been accused of doing. I just want to tell the Auburn people that I'm truly sorry for all the damage I've done. I'm not asking for sympathy. All I'm asking is forgiveness. I want the people that's Christians to understand I've done a lot of good in my life. I've never intentionally hurt anybody until this.
Since the Auburn oak trees were poisoned, Updyke has called Finebaum to announce the crime and to share his side of the story. He's also been attacked by a phantom in a gas station parking lot, among other adventures. It's all kind of funny, but mostly just sad.
Auburn Tigers fans have been told to expect their beloved Toomer's Corner trees to waste away after a lethal poisoning for which Harvey Updyke has been accused, but some experts are saying the situation might not exactly be as grim as feared.
While some have proposed using alternate trees for toilet paper celebrations of 2011 Auburn victories, the Toomer's trees might be able to fulfill their duties for one more year after all. There's currently no TPing allowed.
The trees have been rolled to capacity twice this year: once in celebration after Auburn's national title victory, and once in memory and defiance after news broke that the trees are likely doomed. Even fans of hated rivals would like to see at least one more Toomer's Corner celebration in the future -- you'd have to think an Updyke sentencing would inspire one, but that's not quite what I mean.
Harvey Updyke's trial for charges of poisoning Auburn's Toomer's Corner trees has been postponed, and now won't happen until November or so. November, you say?
Still trying to figure out whether to tailgate or get to work on a barbwire fence all along the Georgia-Alabama border in advance of this trial, but if these two events coincide, it must just be best to do both. Finalize your wills before walling yourself inside Alabama, friends, and let's go be a part of history.
Why the delay? Who knows. Updyke's team is constructing a mental disease defense, which could certainly work, while the prosecution does not appear to have the hardest job in the world ahead of it.
Paul Finebaum's Facebook page has three photos of Harvey Updyke's facial injuries after that still-unresolved April 20 incident after his initial court date, during which he claimed he'd been attacked at a gas station in Auburn Tigers country. Not many believed he was actually struck by anybody, but he definitely suffered some sort of damage from something (conclusive!).
I'm not sure when these photos were taken, but they look to have been snapped shortly afterward. Here's one of the pics, which shows a pair of scratches on his forehead and a blackened left eye:
Updyke has been through a lot, not that he hasn't brought it upon himself one way or another. You're looking at a man who may not have been consistently squared with reality for quite some time. It's not fun at all to look at.
Harvey Updyke pleaded not guilty Wednesday "for reasons of mental disease or defect," waiving Thursday's arraignment hearing. A mental evaluation is reportedly underway to determine whether Updyke is fit to stand trial.
If trial does commence, Updyke could face four felonies and two misdemeanors for allegedly poisoning Auburn's Toomer's Corner oak trees. He appeared to confess to the crimes when he called in to Paul Finebaum's show months ago before the damage was even discovered, and came very close to appearing to confess during separate post-poisoning interviews with Finebaum and with ESPN.
For those reasons, you'd have to think the current plea is the defense's only option. Even the most novice psychologist would comfortably describe Updyke's mental state as delicate at best, as he sometimes doesn't seem to get why everybody's so mad at him all the time.
Harvey Updyke, the man accused of lethally poisoning Auburn's Toomer's Corner trees, was indicted on six charges by a Lee County grand jury, some of them mighty heavy. His Lee County Circuit Court arraignment date is set for May 26, with a potential June 20 trial date. Lord help us if this thing goes to trial.
Those charges: two felony counts of first-degree criminal mischief; two felony counts of unlawful damage, vandalism or theft of property from a farm animal or crop facility; and two misdemeanor counts of desecrating a venerated object.
In addition to the state charges, attorney Glennon Threatt has said federal charges could be in the works as well, though those have not been received at this point.
When last we heard of Mr. Updyke, he was on the Paul Finebaum Show while recovering from his alleged attack at the hands of an unknown assailant shortly after his April 20 court date.
Harvey Updyke went on The Paul Finebaum Show Thursday to share his side of the Tiger Express beatdown. He says he doesn't blame Auburn fans who are mad at him, he doesn't want this to be his legacy, and ... well, so much more. A transcript, with Updyke in blockquotes:
OK Paul. Listen, before we get started. I want everybody to realize I did not want to go on the radio. We've had numerous conversations. I don't want any more publicity. I'd like to apologize to my children, the University of Alabama, and my high school coach. He didn't go wrong with me, Paul. It really bothers me that he's upset over this stuff. I'm gonna have to correct some stuff that Glennon has told the media. If you remember your first conversation with Glennon, he stated I was a 72-year-old man and a retired Alabama state trooper. Wayne Barnes told him 62, Texas. So, Glennon just misspoke. Every time you tell a story it changes.
All you conspiracy theories: I stopped at the first station that sold drinks. I wasn't getting gas. I was not at the gas pump. I stopped to get a bottle of green tea. It was a busy place. I was talking on my telephone to Wayne Barnes, telling him what went on at the trial. I parked at the end. I've been back since. When a police officer came later, he parked at the same place i parked. I wasn't around back of the station or back by the bathroom. I was at the side of it. I pulled up and sat in the car for 30 to 45 minutes, was getting out of the car, turned around, and something hit me in the face. I'm not saying it's an Auburn fan. I've had numerous Alabama fans upset as the Auburn fans. The Tide for Toomer's people. I am not accusing anybody. The only thing I'm saying is you can look at my face and tell that I or somebody hit me. Both of my eyebrows are bruised. There's a straight line going from one to the other. I have a gash between my eyes, they said it may need a stitch or two. I have the band they put on your arm at the emergency room. I went in to the ER -- and another thing I'd like to say: I did go in the service station and ask them where the closest emergency room. I didn't go in there in pain or bleeding.
Do you know how long you were out?
I don't think I was knocked out. May have been. They didn't try to kill me. If we were trying to get publicity about this, wouldn't it have been better for me to get attacked before the hearing? I was in Auburn from 9 am yesterday morning, I drove in from out of state. Went into Tiger Town, went into Books-A-Million to buy a book -- The Lost Ring. It's on sale in there for $4.95.
[Glennon Threatt announces his presence.]
They hit me, Glennon, like I said. I corrected some things you said. I was not at the gas pump. I stopped to get green tea. Me and Glennon have not gone over this. It was so many people at the courthouse they had to change the court room. After it was over with, media came from everywhere. Glennon did all the talking. They followed us all the way to Glennon's car. He closed the door, and I was in the car probably a minute, two minutes. Everybody knows I have real bad diabetes. I was real thirsty. Why wouldn't I stop there?
How do you react to people who don't believe you?
I'll be honest, when I told Wayne, I don't think Wayne believed me at first. All night long I've been thinking, and it doesn't seem possible. I told blame people. But I don't care. I didn't want this publicity. I wanted all this stuff to go away. It's not going to. I don't want a reality show. I'm not doing this for publicity.
This isn't a Charlie Sheen stunt?
I am not winning. I am losing. I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have called into your show. My rent has gone up three times as high as it was. They put me on a $50,000 bond. Wayne Barnes put the money up. I'm attempting to pay him back. I am losing a lot of stuff over this. Paul, I just want it to go away. I really believe they gon put me in prison. There's probably a third of the people sitting back and laughing at this train wreck. Some Alabama people believe me, and no Auburn people believe me. I was not afraid. If I'd planned this, it would've happened out in the sticks. There was a lot of people there. Why somebody didn't see it, I don't know.
The events of yesterday have been the talk of this state. Everyone knows the genesis of this was your phone call here talking about the Toomer's trees. Can you address that?
One of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life. All my adult life my wives kinda said I'm a crap-stirrer. I like to stir crap. I was just trying to upset the Auburn nation. Paul, I never thought it'd come to this.
You were trying to upset Auburn by calling the show or poisoning the trees?
By calling the show and telling them. I don't want those trees to die. I would give anything in the world if this had never happened. I don't want my legacy to be the Auburn tree-poisoner. I guess it's too late now. I listen to Paul Finebaum every day. I walk my dogs after it's over with. I get involved as everybody else. One day, [Glennon interject, pointing out Updyke has not confessed] I am Al from Dadeville. I called the show. I Man pushed the wrong button and did what he wanted to do.
I Man's call to this program pushed your button.
I do not want to even get any credit for that. But yeah.
What did he say?
Well, just listen at him. He's not worried about Auburn, just Alabama. It's a two-way street, Paul. I've lived most of my adult life in Texas. There's nothing like this in Texas. Texas-Texas A&M ... people just don't understand. I just got caught up in it, Paul. All my life I've been an Alabama fan. i have children 30 years old named Bear Bryant and Crimson Tide. Crimson likes her name, and Bear likes his name. My baby girl, I wanted to name her Ally Bama. That is true. Call her Ally, or call her Bama. My new wife said you dont ruined the other two, you're not ruining this one. i have 40 different Alabama hats. Every time I go out I have an Alabama T-shirt. If I was listening to me on the radio, I'd say, yeah he's a nut. I went through the bad years. I saw Tommy Tuberville sticking his fingers and thumbs up in the air. I don't have season tickets. I never went to Alabama. I went to a small junior college. But I am an Alabama fan. They can put me in prison. I am an Alabama fan. I'll apologize for what I've done to the university. I saw Nick Saban sent money. It's not their fault, and I apologize.
It sounds like you were listening to this program and you snapped. Do you think you had full appraisal of your mental capacities?
I'm just like anybody else. I care to the extremes. I know I do.
Glennon: are you feeling better now, physically?
No, I have a headache. Whoever hit me wasn't trying to kill me. But you can look at me and tell I got hit.
[Threatt and Updyke talk about having taken reasonable precautions against Updyke getting heckled, Threatt having taken the case pro bono, and so forth. I missed most of it.]
[Finebaum plays Updyke's original phone call about the trees.]
Harvey, what did you want to say to Tammy?
Well, I still can't say it on the air. You know how her voice is and how she's always ranting and raving? I was just gonna tell her to bite my butt. I just want to tell Wayne happy birthday, and to tell my wife I'm about 60 miles from home.
Let me talk about the human element of this. People can say whatever they want about you, but what toll has it taken on your family?
It's my own fault, but my rent's -- I had lakefront for $300 a month. Now I'm paying $900 a month. On a fixed income it's quite a bit. It's devestated all my kids. My wife thinks it's crazy. I'm not worried about somebody shooting me, but everybody else is, and it's taking a toll. My son didn't want me coming down here by myself. I'm living some place I don't want to live. I don't think I'll ever go to another Alabama game. People recognize me in Louisiana. Guy walked over to us and said you're Al from Dadeville. I didn't have anything Alabama on. His daughter, who's fixing to be a student at Alabama, she said that's all that was on the news and she wanted a picture with me. I just want it to be over.
You talked about the reaction of coach Saban. Of all the things that hurt you, do you feel like you've let down the University of Alabama?
You know I have, Paul. Jay Barker called me a scumbag. I have hurt the University of Alabama. That's the last thing I wanted to do. It started out as a prank. And they're talking about putting me in prison for poisoning the water table.
You're a law enforcement officer. Some thoughts on being in prison...
I have put other police officers in jail. If they put me in there, it's going to be rough. I don't want to go to my grave saying Harvey the tree-poisoner. I've done a lot of good things. That wasn't one of them. I would've been remembered as a great father, great grandfather. The judge won't let me go to Texas to see my grandchildren. I've got either 15 or 16 grandchildren in Texas. I don't have the money to go to Australia. [Wants to go to grandchildren's birthdays. Says he doesn't think any of this is funny.]
Auburn people are listening to this and saying cry me a river. This guy destroyed something precious to us. They've all said you can rot in hell. Some have said you should be hung from a tree. How do you respond?
Well, I can't blame them. I can understand. If I was an Auburn fan, I would be upset too. I just want to tell them I'm not a bad person. I'm a Alabama fan. Tommy Lewis and the '54 Cotton Bowl. He came off the bench and tackled the Rice player. They asked him why'd you do it? He said, "I just have too much Bama in me." Too full of Bama. To the Auburn people, I don't blame them. I'm gonna get what I deserve. [Says goodbyes.]
This is gonna make people mad, but I gotta do it. Roll damn Tide.
After reading Glennon Threatt's version of Harvey Updyke's alleged encounter with an unruly mob at the Tiger Express gas station in Opelika, Alabama, it's hard not to think the whole attack was completely fabricated. Not that you weren't already sort of assuming that, of course, but this does not sound like any fight I've ever heard of:
Somewhere right outside of Opelika Harvey stopped at a gas station to get a drink and some gas, and when he got out of his car, it went black. He woke up on the ground. He had been hit in the head with something. He wandered into the gas station in pain, and they directed him to a local emergency room.
Whenever this story veers too close to the actual mental ongoings of Updyke himself, it becomes way less entertaining. The man has serious mental health problems, whether he was actually attacked by a person Wednesday or not.
Harvey Updyke's attorney Glennon Threatt says the alleged Toomer's Corner tree-poisoner was beaten and injured in a fight at an Opelika gas station after leaving his court date at 2:30 pm. That gas station has been identified as the Tiger Express (Tiger Express!) on the corner of Highway 280 and Shelton Mill, or right here.
Quizzed about the alleged attack, Tiger Express employees denied the story to the War Eagle Reader, saying Threatt's story "is not adding up" and that they hadn't seen any such violence.
Here, via @auburnbeat, is what the Tiger Express looks like, in case you wonder about Updyke's intentions in visiting the establishment:
Wouldn't put it past Updyke and friends making up a story like this, especially since he was released from the hospital in about the time it normally takes to actually enter a hospital. Wouldn't put it past custodians at a venue named the Tiger Express turning a blind eye to Auburn's public enemy No. 1 catching some knuckles in the parking lot, either. This story will get weirder within the next five minutes, I assure you.
Harvey Updyke faced his day in Alabama court Wednesday on charges of poisoning the Toomer's Corner trees on Auburn University's campus. Shortly after leaving the court at 2:30 pm, he was attacked at an Opelika gas station just a few miles from the courthouse, according to Paul Finebaum.
According to Updyke attorney Glennon Threatt, the alleged tree poisoner was treated at the hospital for a head injury, and was not stabbed, as had been initially reported.
Oh, and there was the court thing. Updyke waived his right to a preliminary hearing, sending his case to a grand jury on May 2.
It's reasonably safe to suppose those may have been Auburn fans doing the head-injuring, if it happened as reported. Pretty baffling choice there, if so. Way to turn a man who at one point was pretty much being investigated for biological terrorism into a victim. Looks like this story just gained an exciting new twist. Sigh, y'all.
Harvey Updyke, the man accused of lethally poisoning Auburn’s historic Toomer’s Corner oak trees, has a court date coming up soon. He’s due to appear April 20 in Opelika for a probable cause hearing after the canceling of a March 2 preliminary hearing.
Attorney Glennon Threatt is considering applying for a change of venue. If you can think of anywhere in Alabama that won’t turn up a field of jury candidates almost entirely populated by people with Auburn or Bama ties — except maybe, like, UAB’s campus — please share them in the comments with us.
The fact that the poisoned trees are even worse off than originally thought isn’t likely to find Updyke any newly impartial potential jurors, either.
In a probable cause hearing, the prosecution presents to the judge its evidence against the accused. Updyke’s judge will then decide whether there’s sufficient reason to proceed with arraignment and, if the Lord is inclined to bless us with the story of the offseason, trial.
For more on Auburn, join Track Em Tigers.
Glennon Threatt Jr. is Harvey Updyke’s fourth court-appointed lawyer in the Toomer’s Corner tree case. Threatt was put on the job Tuesday after lawyers No. 2 and 3 cited reasons for preferring not to represent Updyke in Lee County court.
Threatt sounds like he’s in for the duration, promptly going on Finebaum to explain why he took the case. He told Paul Finebaum that Updyke chose to leave police custody because he was fearful officers would harm him, that he told police “something different” than the confession he made when he called into Finebaum to announce his supposed poisoning of the tree, and that Updyke shows “the lack of consciousness of guilt.”
He also says he's taking the case pro bono.
A man claiming to be a friend of Updyke’s also went on the program, claiming police kept Updyke in a straight jacket, Updyke knows nothing about herbicide, and that Updyke’s wife vetoed his attempt to name one of their children Ally-Bama.
Harvey Updyke, the only arrest so far in the Toomer’s Corner tree-poisoning case, is living in a car by a creek, according to Montgomery’s WSFA 12 News, an actual news organization and not The Onion’s Alabama bureau. The report cites the owner of Updyke’s rental property, who says the suspect has relocated "by a creek somewhere in Alabama. I’ve tried to embed WSFA’s video of the story below. Hope it works for you, because it didn’t show up for me:
That report also mentions the possibility of additional arrests, as there have been findings on the internet of others with knowledge of the vandalism, which were posted before the story went public.
As a person who hopes this case can be dealt with in a court of law rather than at the hands of an angry mob, and who hopes Updyke can get professional, clinical help, because he is not a sane person, I guess it does make sense to me that Updyke would choose to hide out in the woods somewhere rather than stay put at home.
Remaining in police custody would’ve been the best bet, though.
UPDATE: Make that three.
The justice system of Alabama is now 0-for-2 in finding a court-appointed lawyer for Harvey Updyke, the man accused of lethally poisoning Auburn’s historic Toomer’s Corner oak trees. Jerry Hauser, Updyke’s second appointed representative, filed a withdrawal motion Tuesday morning, claiming a conflict of interest.
His wife heads Auburn’s Communication and Journalism department, which does seem like a minor conflict of interest.
The last attorney appointed by the court to represent Updyke, Philip O. Tyler, asked to be let off the case as he has many business and personal dealings with Auburn and Auburn alumni.
Sure, it’s not going to be easy to find somebody in the state of Alabama who doesn’t have some very close connection to Auburn or the University of Alabama, but it might help to quickly read up on potential appointees first. I’m sure that’s not the way these things are handled, but otherwise this is going to take years.
Harvey Updyke, the man charged with the lethal poisoning of Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner oak trees, has been released from jail according to CBS 8 News in Montgomery, Alabama. Updyke’s bail had been set at $50,000, which he was able to post.
Choosing to release himself back into the wild, a wild full of pissed-off Auburn fans and no quarter from Nick Saban himself, sounds like the worst idea possible. But in the video below, you can see Updyke is going out with middle fingers in the air. Like, totally literally:
Any doubts you may have had about Updyke’s sanity: they have been forcefully addressed.
Would you like to see a jury trial in this case? Would you? Goodness knows I would. Updyke’s decision to post bail instead of wait it out in a nice, safe jail cell could be a sign he’s actually going to use this event to draw even more attention to himself.
This college football offseason may be without the conference realignment spectacle from last year, so we’re going to need something to tide us over. Alabama’s trial of the century would do the trick, right?
Harvey Updyke, the man charged with poisoning the trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner, has been appointed an attorney by the relevant court. That attorney, Philip O. Tyler, has already requested to be taken off the case, according to Montgomery’s WSFA 12. Tyler cited a conflict of interest, as he’s an Auburn part-time professor whose firm represents Auburn and who has many Auburn fans among his friends and family.
He’s also lived in Auburn for over two decades. Representing Updyke, even in a purely professional capacity, would not be well-received in Tyler’s hometown.
While I have no idea whether this case would ever need to go to jury trial (Kyle?), imagine trying to round up a jury for this case. You think you could find 12 impartial Alabamans who could objectively decide Updyke’s fate? They’re having a hard time finding just one person to argue the case in court.
Alabama justice is a tricky thing, especially when college football is involved.
A man named Harvey Updyke has been arrested for the lethal poisoning of Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner oak trees, according to a report by WTVM9 in Columbus, Ga. He will reportedly be charged with criminal mischief.
That charge will satisfy no Auburn fan, few embarrassed Alabama fans, and pretty much nobody of any stripe, but it's actually a Class C felony that could mean up to 10 years in prison. And remember the feds are on the case, with very serious environmental concerns in play. This could be the least of Updyke’s legal troubles, if reports are accurate.
Birmingham's FOX affiliate claims this is Updyke's mug shot:
The 62-year-old is reportedly indeed from Dadeville, Ala., and his middle name is reportedly Almorn. That would make him a potential "Al from Dadeville." Sigh. Anybody who was holding out hope that there isn’t really somebody that dumb out there: things are looking grim.
Friends of the Program has a link to a Facebook profile of someone that college football message boards are convinced is the Updyke in question.
If Updyke is responsible for harming the trees, he should be very grateful to be in police custody right now. If you have the $50,000 needed to bail him out, you probably shouldn't.
The act of vandalism perpetrated (fun word!) against the Auburn Tigers ceremonial gathering place, Toomer’s Corner, has earned attention from federal investigators, according to Auburn’s FOX6. But why?
If the poison used to damage the trees makes its way into the groundwater supply, the results could be hazardous for far more than just a cluster of oaks. Still not clear on how that makes it a federal issue, though, unless Georgia’s groundwater is somehow at stake. Any idea?
Tebuthiuron, the poison applied to the trees, is “highly soluble in water” and “one of a group of pesticide compounds that have the greatest potential for leaching into, and contaminating, groundwater,” according to a page on the official website of Cornell University. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
Arresting “Al from Dadeville” shouldn’t be too much of a challenge, as he called into a radio show to claim the crime, thereby providing both a voice and a phone record, and was also presumably recorded by the webcam that streams Toomer’s Corner round-the-clock anyway. I’ve read some saying that the substance he allegedly used requires extensive registration and log-keeping, so there would be even more evidence.
The real work will be keeping the poison from spreading beyond its initial target. If it is found to have endangered the local water supply, don’t you think far more serious charges could be in order for “Al from Dadeville?”
Auburn University's announcement that an act of vandalism will likely lead to the death of the ancient oaks at Toomer's Corner has prompted a growing group of fans and students to gather at the trees. They're TPing, but in a less revelrous manner than you'd usually find after an Auburn football win. It's been going on since early this evening, and can be seen live right here.
At the bottom of this post, there's a pic of the police security that's been called to keep an eye on the statues near Alabama's Bryant-Denny Stadium. But here was the scene at Toomer's Corner around 7 pm ET:
And here's some time around 8 pm ET, when the group had grown slightly. Those people holding signs were there the entire time, and I'd love to know what those signs said.
Things really started to take off after that. This one was taken just after 9 pm ET. At one point there were also people gathered on the median across the street, the one on this photo's left side.
Meanwhile, the scene in Tuscaloosa (Via @IzzyGould):
If you’re just now joining us, Auburn University’s Toomer’s Corner has been attacked by a vandal who used herbicide to poison the landmark’s storied oaks. The university investigated the condition of the trees after a Finebaum caller, going by the handle ‘Al from Dadeville,’ boasted of his achievements, finding his claims to line up with the substance in the trees.
Via Dr. Saturday, a transcript of the call:
Al: This year I was at the Iron Bowl. And I saw where they put a “Scam Newton” jersey on Bear Bryant’s statue.
Finebaum: OK, now, again, that’s 28 years later.
Al: Well lemme tell you what I did. The weekend after the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn, Alabama, because I live 30 miles away, and I poisoned the two Toomer’s trees.
Finebaum: [laughing] Well that’s fair.
Al: I put Spike 80DF in them.
Finebaum: Did they die?
Al: Do what?
Finebaum: Did they die?
Al: They’re not dead yet, but they …
Finebaum: They will be?
Al: They definitely will die.
Finebaum: Is that against the law? To poison a tree?
Al: Do you think I care?
Al: I really don’t.
Obviously the hunt is now on for someone named Al who lives in Dadeville, Alabama, who we’re all assuming is an Alabama fan. But this is an innocent-until-proven-guilty thing. Why assume an Alabama fan carried out this act of vandalism until a person who matches that description is convicted of the crime?
Mainly I just want to hold out hope that there isn’t really someone that dumb out there. Maybe the guy’s name isn’t Al. Maybe he’s not from Dadeville. You’ll notice the state of Alabama’s abbreviation is AL. There’s got to be something here, right?
And, jokes aside (sooo many jokes aside), only an idiot would assume the vandal is representative of all Alabama fans. Roll Bama Roll, our Crimson Tide community, (mostly) expresses sympathies, while Track Em Tigers hopes this doesn't lead to an escalation.
After the herbicide attack that is expected to kill Toomer’s Corner’s famed oak trees, Alabama Crimson Tide athletic director Mal Moore has released a statement. As the person in charge of the Auburn Tigers biggest rival, this was a very wise thing to do, as things could get, like, embarrassingly SEC really quickly.
It’s an awful act, a terrible thing to do. A lot of what makes our two programs so special is our many unique traditions. So, hearing this about Toomer’s Corner is upsetting to me in several ways. I certainly hope that whomever is responsible is held accountable.
Moore also claimed a set of security signs around Bryant-Denny Stadium were not recently added.
It’s all but impossible that a Bama fan wasn’t responsible for the act. There’s simply not another fanbase that cares enough about Auburn to go to this much trouble. Or maybe it’s just somebody who really hates trees. Let’s keep our minds open here.
The dying oak trees at Toomer's Corner, Auburn's beloved landmark and victory rally point, are receiving a loving tribute after news broke that they don't have long to live. Auburn fans have gathered at the corner of Magnolia and College to send the trees off like BCS national champions. There's live, streaming video of it happening right now, if you're quick:
Not quite a bonanza of personal hygiene products, but give it time. It kind of looks like the trees were papered with whatever TP somebody had on hand, and now they're just standing watch while somebody goes on a TP run. You can only be so prepared for this kind of thing, after all. Anybody have any guesses as to what those signs say?
Even as I type this, more onlookers are wandering over. Some of them likely don't even know yet that the trees are dying. The number of sign-holders is up to four.
The trees of Toomer's Corner, a landmark location for Auburn Tigers fans, have been poisoned with a lethal dose of herbicide, the school announced today. The substance, Spike 80DF, was discovered after a Jan. 27 Finebaum caller publicly took credit for the vandalism. The school looked into the matter, found the poison, and does not expect the trees to make it.
Toomer's Corner is the designated gathering place for Auburn fans after big football victories. Once they get there, the throw toilet paper at the trees.
Given the fact that the story was broken on Finebaum's show, Alabama's campus was also recently struck by a work of horticultural expression, and HELLO IT'S AUBURN, the Toomer's Corner disaster is presumed to be the responsibility of an Alabama Crimson Tide Fan.
The City of Auburn's police force is investigating the matter.
When last we spoke of Toomer's Corner in these parts, a Georgia Bulldogs fan was being accused of attempting to set fire to one of the mighty oaks.
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