HEY THERE, Southern football fan! How's this for a deal: Let's say we, the fine Christian fast food ambassadors at Chick-Fil-A, provide you a completely arbitrary bowl game between two regional schools - maybe even the Tigers of Auburn and the Tigers of Clemson - two schools that have already played one another this season? Except this time, it's at a neutral site charging premium prices for tickets and the outcome is largely meaningless. Then, in nine months, we're gonna do it all over again, y'all!
Same teams! Same location! Same exorbitant prices! You love college football more than life itself, don't you? Of course you'll say yes!
No? Confused? Did we mention there will be chicken sandwiches? That might help. You see, when we first decided to mount a campaign to slowly buy out every college football home game being played in the Confederate footprint, it didn't dawn on us that repetition would create malaise, especially in pointless bowl games.
We also didn't notice at the time that hosting a bowl game between mid-tier SEC and ACC schools every December would eventually conflict with hosting a "kickoff bowl" game between the same two conferences in September, primarily because we assumed Alabama would just sign away two home games a year for a bread truck filled with unmarked bills driven by a five-star defensive tackle from the metro Atlanta area, but apparently they want a year or two off.
Did y'all know the SEC Championship is also held in the Georgia Dome? Us neither. Apparently Auburn played in that last December, too. Did we mention the chicken sandwiches? They're really good. Try the spicy ones.