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NFL Lockout: Kenny Chesney Tour Off Limits For Players; Both Mannings, Maybe Tony Romo Distraught

The real victims in the NFL's work stoppage won't be those damned billionaire owners or their spoiled millionaire players, but the multimillionaire pop stars caught in the crossfire - decent, hardworking corporate creations who depend on professional athletes to fill out their entourages for purposes of masculine credibility and niche marketing.

Kenny Chesney, wildly popular for his signature brand of processed country music brand product, explained to Gannett News Services that he attributes not seeing any active NFL players at his concerts this spring to their restriction from entering league-affiliated stadiums:

"We had all baseball players there. We had a lot of Phillies, Red Sox and Yankees who were down there for spring training," said Chesney, who recently opened his Goin' Coastal Tour in Florida. "If you're in the NFL, you're in the (contract) lockout: You can't go to your stadium, you can't work out at your stadium, you can't talk to your coaches."

Chesney's deductive logic is flawless, but no doubt questioned by its proprietor when the issue of no NBA players is brought up (MUST BE THE BUSY SCHEDULE, YES).

Among the venues keeping country pop's loveable, hairless imp from his natural constituency (a professional sports league overwhelmingly populated by African American males under 25) are Raymond James Stadium (Tampa), Cowboys Stadium (Dallas), FedEx Field (Washington), Lambeau Field (Green Bay), Lincoln Financial Field (Philadelphia), Heinz Field (Pittsburgh), New Meadowlands (Jets and Giants), Arrowhead (Kansas City) Ford Field (Detroit) and Gillette Stadium (New England). 

So good news, Roddy White! You're free to "Go Coastal with Kenny!" May 20 at the Hi-Fi Buys Ampitheatre in Atlanta.

Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.