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Auburn's 2004 Title Campaign Receiving No Support From Annoyed SEC Neighors

Give the Crimson Tide fanship another 24 hours - roughly a fortnight in the PAWL-metrics of an Alabama news cycle - and Trooper Taylor's Chest Bump of President Obama can comfortably be referenced as "BumpGate." But cut 'em slack on the lack of immediate feigned outrage, they got the tornadoes and all.

Outside of that latest pinch of stupidity in the SEC's zestiest blood feud, it's slightly surprising more SEC fans aren't stumping harder for the Tigers to be officially crowned 2004 BCS Champions in the wake of USC being stripped of getting to beat Oklahoma that year. After all, isn't the most annoying aspect of SEC football the sudden and very honky "we a family!" defense* in arguments with Big 10 fans or for gambling / bragging / provincial identity purposes?

There's nothing a SEC fan loves to boast about more than these halcyon days of BCS Championships, yet next to none of Auburn's neighbors have jumped up to advocate retroactively adding another crystal ball to the community chest. Why? One would reckon that even in Babylon, there's a limit, and the still-festering antics of Cam Newton has the rest of the SEC turned off by Auburn's willingness to bare ass, warts and all, with such a flippant disregard for national perception.

After all, this is still the South, where we do just as much terrible shit to each other as anywhere else, but with warm conversational courtesies and a mowed lawn. Or just imagine Auburn's 2010 "title" as the endgame of your one fat/ugly bro known famous for his tendency to overcompensate in the wake of obvious insecurities. The SEC has paraded through the last decade shirking bylaws with mischievous tact, but Auburn's 2010 run might have been the last straw. Now the entire dorm smells like weed and firecrackers, and the honors wing just called the campus police.

You woke everybody up, and now we all might have to pay for that EXIT sign you tore down. Forgive us for not asking the upperclassmen if you can borrow their ID to go buy another fifth of Hot Damn.

*Honky "we a family!" defense does not include whatever SEC team your SEC school absolutely, totally hates the most forever.**

**Until it's really convenient to cite said hated school's bowl record in a drunken, prideful argument with a Texas fan at a sports bar. "We family!"

Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.