clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

In Honor Of Chill Bro Chris Bosh, Atlanta Coaches Ranked By Chillness

Former Georgia Tech Chillow Jackets forward, and current member of the undefeated 7-4 Miami Heat, Chris Bosh caused widespread rebroach yesterday when he said he and his Heatbros "just want to chill." The full brotation:


We got back to getting after it again. I guess [head coach Erik Spoelstra] felt he was loosening up just a little bit too much. He knows he needs to meet us halfway. He wants to work, we want to chill. We're going to have to work in order to get everything down.


Like a Bawsh! The Peachtree Hoops bros provide one of the few voices in defense of both Brosh and Broelstra, which is about the only instance in which you'll see the words defense and Bosh next to each other, pointing out that's basically what coachbros are for -- getting players to not chill and take it easy. Look at the Dallas Cowbros. Those bros went 1-7 under a pro-chill head broach/defensive broordinator, Wade Chillips, despite having one of the league's most loaded broffenses and Tony Bromo. Chillips out, severe bro Jason Garrett who got all stressed at Harvard in, and the Chillboys got to party after beating the New York Giants in a very chill darkened setting.


With no further chilling, here are metbro Atlanta's coaches ranked from most to least chill:

  1. Paul Hewitt: The coach with quite possibly the most chill gig in college sports. Calls a lot of time outs to let his team just relax while everybody else loses their cool. Bosh-approved: he and Bosh were tight in the 2004 Final Four.
  2. ↵
  3. Mark Richt: Where would Jesus chill? Bro, his name is Brother Richt and his dog parties in an icehouse.
  4. ↵
  5. Craig Ramsay: No matter his temperament, this bro can always be found chilling near ice. Maintains a sweet low-stress/high-chill hairstyle.
  6. ↵
  7. Al Broh: "You bros don't even need to worry about major compensation, cause my old gig's got it covered. Why are all these guys lining up with their hands on the ground, anyway?"
  8. ↵
  9. Mike Mularkey: Mike Mularkey has no chill rating whatsoever. As his chillness is undiscernible, we have to just put him in between chill bros and unchill bros.
  10. ↵
  11. Larry Drew: Not chill by any measure. Always stressing about making the Hawks run around instead of just letting the Iso Bro work its magic.
  12. ↵
  13. Fredi Gonzalez: The Broves last manager lost his cool on more umpbros than any other bro ever did, and this bro parties with that one.
  14. ↵
  15. Mark Fox: Find a brotograph of this basketbro not yelling at somebody for just trying to get through the day and take it easy.
  16. ↵
  17. Mike Brobo: Stays super stressed about making sure runs and passes stay even. Bro, just get the ball to A.J. and let's rally up some Ultimate.
  18. ↵
  19. Brian VanGorder: Due to his demeanor, BVG's BVDs are far from chill, but once the Birds get a stout lead on a hapless foe it's cool if the secondary just wants to hang back and play it casual.
  20. ↵
  21. Mike Smith: Despite being tight with noted bro Matty Ice, once hated on DeAngebro Hall instead of just partying with him and being casual.
  22. ↵ ↵
  23. Paul Johnson: The only chill asbrociated with the brogenitor of the flexbrone option attack is the one running down your spine if you get hated on for a false start by harsh ACC brofficials. 
  24. ↵
  25. Todd Grantham: Bro. You went to an event called the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party just to stress a kicker? Bro!
  26. ↵

The false start is the least bro of all penalties, by the way, as it literally entails not chilling.


Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.