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We Can Let Michael Vick Have A Freaking Dog, People

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So we're all worked up about Philadelphia Eagles QB Michael Vick telling NBC News he'd like to own a dog again. If you recall, Vick was imprisoned for two years for funding a violent dogfighting ring and cruelly putting down his losing animals in barbaric fashion while playing for the Atlanta Falcons. Vick:

I think just to have a pet in my household and to show people that I genuinely care, and my love and my passion for animals; I think it would be outstanding. If I ever have the opportunity again I will never take it for granted. I miss having a dog right now. I wish I could. My daughters miss having one, and that's the hardest thing: telling them that we can't have one because of my actions.

PR meltdowwwn! Obviously Vick will not own a dog for a long, long time, because puppies, guns, proximity to schools, and voting are the four very specific things that a person can lose the legal right to upon committing very specific crimes, and these punishments are very often very merited. And It's a really dumb thing for Vick to talk about, especially at just about the highest point in his professional life. But let's discuss this like grownups.

In a way, preventing him from having any dog as a pet is kind of an arbitrary punishment. No pit bulls would be one thing, even though most pit bulls are great family pets. But he can't even own a miniature dachshund? You're worried about 2010 Michael Vick started a vicious miniature dachshund-fighting ring in the nice part of Philadelphia?

At this point in his life, Vick appears entirely capable of owning a dog and not beating the hell out of it or making it bite other dogs to death, don't you think? What he did was horrible, but it's not like dogfighting is some sort of heroin-addictive activity, as if once you've seen a dog maul another dog, you'll never stop fiending for the sight as long as you live. It's something bored rednecks do in the worst parts of the country until they're shaken out of it by, say, publicly losing $100 million in salary and endorsements. It's not a lifelong devotion that Vick is itching to get back into.

Have you seen where he lives now? Does that look like a miniature dachshund slaughterhouse waiting to break out? And we're OK with him raising kids, but not owning a dog? Aren't we afraid he'll chain his kids to treadmills and file their teeth?

Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.