The Falcons travel out west, Buffalo and Detroit shoot for 4-0, and it's Monday Night Football with Curtis Painter! There are never a shortage of angles, and one can find plenty of them in Week 4's lines.
The picks:
Carolina @ Chicago (-6 1/2). For the first time this season, Cam Newton looked like a mere mortal at quarterback in Week 3 - and now he travels into the frozen, blustery confines of Soldier Field. The vaunted Bears defense will be waiting with black blood in their dead, 8-ball eyes. Ok, fine, it will actually be sunny in the mid-60s today, and the Bears defense has been a gaggle of ballerinas lately, giving up 57 points in the last two games. So go with the underdog to cover, and don't be surprised if they come home with a win. PICK: Carolina
Buffalo (-3) @ Cincinnati. The Bills took care of the Patriots last week, but there's still something making me doubt them. I guess it could be because they're the Buffalo Bills. Thankfully, this week they're playing the Cincinnati Bengals. PICK: Buffalo
Tennessee (-1) @ Cleveland. A guy in my fantasy league introduced "Hasselbecked" as a verb this week. The most surprising part is I took him to mean "to put an end to; extinguish; to kill; slay." I have no qualms with introducing a new word into our lexicon, but the definition needs a little work. PICK: Cleveland
Detroit @ Dallas (-2 1/2). If Matthew Stafford goes into JerryWorld and emerges 4-0, he'll get something in Detroit named after him. Like maybe the murder rate, or the most esteemed local park (actually a pile of bricks), or maybe the rusted-out burning car where the Mayor lives. PICK: Detroit
Pittsburgh @ Houston (-3 1/2). I said it in Week 1, and I'll say it again: Pittsburgh is going to be a .500 team this year, at best. PICK: Houston
New Orleans (-7) @ Jacksonville. It says "@ Jacksonville," yes, but I'm expecting to see just as much gold in that crowd. And speaking of murder rates, Duval County might shoot into the top spot with the introduction of Saints fans. Is there a line on that? PICK: New Orleans
Minnesota (-3) @ Kansas City. Can we stop for a minute to note Minnesota might not be that bad? They're 0-3, but the three losses were to San Diego, Tampa Bay and Detroit by a combined 14 points. The Chiefs should get crushed. PICK: Minnesota
San Francisco @ Philadelphia (-9 1/2). It's Philly, so let's discuss this game with Rocky IV soundtrack lyrics: "We're not indestructible. Baby, better get that straight. I think it's unbelievable, how you give into the hands of fate. Some things are worth fighting for. Some feelings never die. I'm not askin' for another chance - I just wanna know why." PICK: Philadelphia
Washington (-3) @ St. Louis. PICK: St. Louis
Atlanta (-4 1/2) @ Seattle. What can I say that hasn't been screamed all week over at The Falcoholic? I'm terrified of the offensive line's ineptness and any string of Chris Redman starts that may result. I'm nervous about our pass defense, especially with Mr. Rodgers returning in just seven days. I'm just a bit shaky about everything right now, and would love to see a dominating 35-10 win so (at the very least) my hands stop shaking. PICK: Atlanta
NY Giants (-1) @ Arizona. PICK: NY Giants
Denver @ Green Bay (-12). Tebow! Tebow! Tebow! Tebow! (I'm not a fan; just want to see him and Clay Matthews meet in the backfield). PICK: Green Bay
New England (-6) @ Oakland. Something tells me the Patriots are just looking to victimize someone, and Oakland has just drawn the short stick. After last week's embarrassment against the Bills, Bill Belichick must be bleeding from his ears in anger. PICK: New England
Miami @ San Diego (-7). PICK: San Diego
NY Jets @ Baltimore (-4). A sick upcoming stretch for the Jets: @Ravens, @Patriots, Dolphins, Chargers, @Bills, Patriots. The dismantling of the dream started last week in Oakland, and it continues today. PICK: Baltimore
Indianapolis @ Tampa Bay (-11 1/2). I assume ESPN executives aren't doing back flips over this Monday Night Football broadcast - a Curtis Painter-led 0-3 Colts team against a Bucs team with no established national stars (yet). Here's a wacky prediction, then: the game will be a nail-biter. PICK: Indianapolis
Last week: 8-7-1
Yearly total: 25-21-2