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Jerry Glanville Hired To Coach UFL's Hartford Colonials, Invade Greenland

Jerry Glanville, insane lunatic and former Atlanta Falcons coach, says he'll be named the next head coach of the UFL's Hartford Colonials. He'll reportedly be followed by Marty Schottenheimer to the Virginia Destroyers and the possible unveiling of a Chattanooga franchise

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In recent lives, the creator of the Grits Blitz and MC Hammer's best friend coached Portland State to a disappointing 9-24 mark. He was fired by the Falcons in 1993 after leading the team to one NFC West title, a California Trophy run, and a handful of bad seasons. Before then, he worked from 1977 to 1982 as an Atlanta defensive coach, completing his greatest professional achievement: setting the NFL's all-time points-per-game-allowed record in 1977.

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Regarding Chattanooga: many have long speculated (so vague!) that the UFL's entire business plan was to be around in the event of a NFL lockout. Welp, it's here now, and the league would be very wise to get a team deeper into the Southeast than Virginia as quickly as possible.

Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.