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Falcons Vs. Buccaneers As Expressed By Tailgate Meats

Jon Bois breaks down the NFL's weekend action by deploying his impressive football snacks frame of reference. Everything Jon Bois writes is funny:

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THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS ON SUNDAY: Won vs. Falcons, 16-13. Tampa Bay isn't a great team, but they did a great job of completely shutting down Atlanta's running game. A four-yard reception was recorded by a gentleman named Kregg Lumpkin. I bet even his mom is like, "haha, shut up, that is so not your name."

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EQUIVALENT FOOD SERVED BY YOUR INCOMPETENT BUT WELL-MEANING FRIEND:Bratwursts. Good call, as they are almost impossible to mess up. Your friend serves them on white bread and does not have any mustard, but somehow has three different brands of ketchup. You watch as your friend squirts soggy, transparent plasma out of an old unshaken bottle of ketchup and directly on his/her bratwurst and just does not care at all. 

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Falcons: A full beef shoulder cooked on a miniature Foreman grill. The lid is lashed as shut as it will with fishing line.

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Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.