The Atlanta sports-minded trick-or-treater needs Halloween costume ideas too. Here are way more than five extraordinary costumes:
5. Roddy White
The hands-down best player of the Atlanta Falcons season so far: isn't that enough reason to dress up as Roddy White? Plus look at those freaking socks.
- Those freaking socks.
- That swag.
- To let Dick Vitale handle your Twitter drama for you.
- To roll up behind every other trick-or-treater and bat their candy into Harvey Dahl's hands.
4. Uga VIII
Wipe that frown off your face. Your hood ain't no less hard than mine, and in my neighborhood, people dress up their dogs. My wife once did our dachshund up as a ladybug, and you don't see me crying about it.
- One red sweater.
- One spiked collar.
- One 20-pound bag of Publix ice PLEASE SAY THE PUBLIX.
- One enormous red mansion for your bruiser to sleep in every few minutes.
- One football team that just whipped the fire out of Tennessee and Vandy and Kentucky *bark bark bark*.
- One adowable wittle snow white bulldoggie puppee with a big tuf growl yes him does, or a dog close enough in appearance that it doesn't seem like you're just dressing up your dog as Pantsless Georgia Bro. (SPOILER ALERT: That's actually our number one costume.)
3. Mike Woodson
We miss Mike Woodson. I won't comment on his on-court aptitude, but the man was comedy platinum. From "the shit works!" to the Iso-Joe, you have every reason to celebrate Woody's legacy the right way.
- To shave your eyebrows off and have Josh Smith slap some Bert and Ernies on your face.
- To have Josh Smith shave his legs while we have this razor sitting around anyway.
- You got a problem with any of this?
2. Brooks Conrad
- Three balls bouncing on the ground between your legs. That's one in addition to the two that empowered you to hit the game-winning grand slams and so forth that got the Braves to the playoffs in the first place. Yes, I just implied Conrad's courage helps him hit home runs.
- Brooks Conrad is awesome, and you need to let it go.
1. Damon Evans and Courtney Fuhrmann
As if there was any other choice. Best of all, your date's costume is already settled upon, coordinated with yours, and halfway removed.
- Two long faces and overwhelming senses of entitlement.
- One Georgia Bulldogs polo and one pink dress.
- To sloppily try and talk your way out of stuff (the gentleman only).
- To screech and claw at everything in sight (the lady only).
- This isn't that hard, folks. Just cry a lot, bump into furniture, and encourage people not to drink. Your party mates will get it.
And this costume, just like every costume, is not complete without a pair of fresh red panties.
Via Getty Images.
Bonus: Paul Johnson
- To carry absolutely nothing in your hands because you're an Appalachian with a head full of computers. Although good form would involve clenching the sternums of any bypassing revelers dressed as football players.
- Maybe hold up a sign that conveys dismissiveness, because you're not going to be able to reach the right level without practice.
- To forbid your children from visiting other houses after they've agreed to receive candy from you.
To think Halloween ain't all it's cracked up to be.
- Neither is candy, except Gobstoppers.
- Neither is SEC speed, any poll, or a ghost.
- Neither is your Frank Beamer costume.
- A.J. Green: Glue a football to one hand, exchanging shirts for treats.
- Coco and Kelly Miller: For the synergy-conscious pair of ladies.
- Zaza Pachulia: NBA Jam big head code yourself, then operate an especially distinguished Twitter.
- Joshua Nesbitt: Fire candy thirteen feet over the heads of children. Or hit them right in the hands. Not like it matters.
- Sean Weatherspoon: Commission yourself a Boobie Miles haircut. Smile.
And one for 2011:
- Dustin Byfuglien: You better start eating candy right now if you want to be able to dress up as Dustin Byfuglien for next year.