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Cam Newton Could Be Suspended For 67 Seasons, Since A.J. Green's Jersey Was Worth Four Games

Let’s do the NCAA math here regarding the reported investigation into Cam Newton’s recruitment at Auburn and Mississippi St. Remember the precedent we’re working from: Georgia Bulldogs WR A.J. Green was suspended four games for improperly selling a jersey for $1,000. That’s $250 per game. Off we go.

Newton’s fence was allegedly seeking $200,000 or more for the quarterback’s services. $200,000 divided by $250 gives us 800 games. Since the college football regular season is twelve games long, a fairly suspended Newton would be eligible to play for the Tigers again in late 2076, when Newton would be 88 years old and, honestly, probably Auburn’s most mobile quarterback.

The College Park native would thus promptly take his talents to Buffalo, New York instead of hanging around east Alabama, just to get it over with.

But this is the NCAA we’re talking about, and fair is never fair or rational or anything worth bringing up. This may all blow over in time for Saturday’s game against Chattanooga (this is why you schedule Chattanooga, y’all), but Georgia Bulldogs fans have every reason to keep an ear peeled in advance of the Dawgs Nov. 13 date in Auburn.

Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.