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Tim Tebow's Writing A Memoir Called 'Through My Eyes': How To Joke About This

Having already ghostwritten a four-part biography that's been translated into virtually every language on earth, sold billions of copies, and spawned some Mel Gibson movies, former Florida Gators and current Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow has decided to tell his story without any middlemen. Besides the ones book publishers assign to all books written by athletes. He's writing a memoir currently titled Through My Eyes.

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This is funny to you. You're going to need to express this fashionably. Let's explore your options.

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Obviously you're going to want to make fun of Tebow's lack of Hunter S. Thompson/any rapper/Keith Richards material, since who would want to read the story of a life that involves less blood and fewer drugs than your own? Also, throw in his lack of pro football experience. Because nothing could be duller than beating undefeated LSU with a concussion on Saturday night in Baton Rouge just a few months after working in the Philippines all summer.

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Also, you'll need to make fun of Tebow's religiosity in some way, because he should care more about football than his or your immortal soul. See first paragraph.

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There are a few eye-related Tebow jokes you could reach for here, considering the book's title. You could refer to his trademark meta-self-aggrandizing eye black, but the one that's going to play best with the locals would mention the tears that passed through his eyes at the end of last year's SEC Championship Game.

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All SEC fans love that one, because Tebow beat their teams for years. They might not be able to beat you up, but they can get their big brother Nick Saban to do it. This is the only context in which Saban may be referred to as big.

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Photographs by coka_koehler used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.