If you’re just now joining us, Auburn University’s Toomer’s Corner has been attacked by a vandal who used herbicide to poison the landmark’s storied oaks. The university investigated the condition of the trees after a Finebaum caller, going by the handle ‘Al from Dadeville,’ boasted of his achievements, finding his claims to line up with the substance in the trees.
Via Dr. Saturday, a transcript of the call:
Al: This year I was at the Iron Bowl. And I saw where they put a “Scam Newton” jersey on Bear Bryant’s statue.
Finebaum: OK, now, again, that’s 28 years later.
Al: Well lemme tell you what I did. The weekend after the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn, Alabama, because I live 30 miles away, and I poisoned the two Toomer’s trees.
Finebaum: [laughing] Well that’s fair.
Al: I put Spike 80DF in them.
Finebaum: Did they die?
Al: Do what?
Finebaum: Did they die?
Al: They’re not dead yet, but they …
Finebaum: They will be?
Al: They definitely will die.
Finebaum: Is that against the law? To poison a tree?
Al: Do you think I care?
Finebaum: No.
Al: I really don’t.
Obviously the hunt is now on for someone named Al who lives in Dadeville, Alabama, who we’re all assuming is an Alabama fan. But this is an innocent-until-proven-guilty thing. Why assume an Alabama fan carried out this act of vandalism until a person who matches that description is convicted of the crime?
Mainly I just want to hold out hope that there isn’t really someone that dumb out there. Maybe the guy’s name isn’t Al. Maybe he’s not from Dadeville. You’ll notice the state of Alabama’s abbreviation is AL. There’s got to be something here, right?
And, jokes aside (sooo many jokes aside), only an idiot would assume the vandal is representative of all Alabama fans. Roll Bama Roll, our Crimson Tide community, (mostly) expresses sympathies, while Track Em Tigers hopes this doesn't lead to an escalation.
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