All poor people in Georgia, Louisiana, Pahokee and Scotland use the word iffen, according to Woody Paige. I love this quote, which was supposedly recorded in Tallulah Falls, Georgia just before the 1994 Georgia Dome Super Bowl between the Dallas Cowboys and Buffalo Bills:
"I heard somebody was going to Atlanta for the game, but I'm not sure," the waitress says. "Who's playing? Maybe iffen it was Clemson and Georgia Tech, I might be interested. Might not. I work on Sundays."
You're telling me Woody Paige flew from Denver to Atlanta to cover the Super Bowl, drove to the South Carolina border just to get yokel quotes*, and found a lady who said she'd rather watch the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. the Clemson Tigers? Like, the 1994 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. the 1994 Clemson Tigers?
Clemson was 5-6 and Tech was 1-10 in 1994. Nobody wanted to watch Tech-Clemson in 1994, not even gum-jawed figments who lived only to deliver biscuits to their fellow phantom illiterates.
* Somehow the combination of Texans, Buffaloans and Georgians in downtown Atlanta didn't produce any sufficient yokels.